In what contexts does the student need to display this skill, now and in the future?
The ability to initiate a conversation is a critical skill that can determine success in the school setting and in all settings in the future. Students need to be able to initiate a conversation with family, friends, peers and co-workers, supervisors and other people on the job and in the community. Certain circumstances, such as an emergency, may also require the student to initiate conversation with strangers.
What are all of the steps that comprise this skill?
1. Understanding the rationale behind this skill (with clear connections to the student’s interests and goals).
2. Before the student actually initiates, he should stop and look. He should evaluate the situation in order to determine if he should initiate:
These are decisions that most people make in split seconds, but it might be necessary to break this decision-making process down much further to address the student’s organization and planning issues (i.e. executive function issues, central coherence issues). The extent to which you address these issues with the student hinges on your accurate assessment of their capacity to understand these complex social decisions.
3. Once the student has determined that it is appropriate to initiate the conversation, the next decisions are required:
Personal Space & Proximity:
- Determine if you are already close enough (e.g. at your desk) to initiate the conversation from that distance.
If not, physically approach the person, but maintain appropriate distance (see Maintaining Personal Space topic).Body Language & Mirroring:
- If the person is sitting, sit down. If they are standing, remain standing (your stance should generally mirror their stance).
- Face towards the person, but establish a relaxed physical stance.
- Maintain a pleasant expression (smiling, looking), and make an initiating statement (break down what to say, and how to say it).
Note that in some cases, your goal is to work towards the integrated performance of all of the above steps (as they tend to happen almost simultaneously in real life) to prevent a “segmented” rote performance.
4. Consider other contexts in which students might initiate conversations (e.g. social networking sites). It may be necessary to break down these online initiations in teachable steps as well.
What sub-skill should you target first for the student to initiate? Given what the student can do presently, how will you present the task so that the student can perform steps within his capacity while learning a new step?
Some students may have to be taught why it is important to initiate conversations with co-workers or peers, and how it can help them be more successful.
Before teaching the actual verbal and non-verbal behaviors that comprise an initiation, it is often important to address the subtle cues that your students may not automatically interpret (the other person’s facial expressions and body language, what they are doing at that moment, what else is happening in the environment). When a student accurately “reads” these cues, he is able to make a better decision about if and how to initiate a conversation.
For some students who struggle to grasp the social judgments that underlie the performance of skills, it may be more appropriate to target the basic sequence of “performance” steps: Physically approach a person or group, face them with a relaxed stance, gain a person’s attention, and make an initiating statement.
Some students may be able to perform the “skills,” but they may need concrete guidance on how to time their initiations appropriately. Or, they may need instruction on the subtle adjustments one makes to their phrasing and tone as they begin a conversation with someone (e.g. saying in a relaxed tone, “So… did you catch that game last night?”).