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Conversations and Small Talk - Conversations are Two-Sided

What do we mean when we say, “Conversations are two-sided?”  This means that you and your conversation partner should both contribute to the conversation.  Your conversation should go back and forth between the people talking.  In other words, you should not control the entire conversation.  The other person should be doing a lot of the talking too.   It is important for you to talk about topics that the other person might also find interesting.  If you only talk about things that interest you, then the other person will become bored or irritated. 

If you go on and on about a topic that interests only you, then the other person will feel bored or irritated.  When you go on and on about a topic, your conversation becomes one-sided.  This means that you are doing all the talking rather than going back and forth between you and your conversation partner.  Now it sounds more like a speech than a conversation, and that is not good.   In a speech, the person listening does not get a chance to say anything because the other person won’t stop talking. Video

Here is what a “speech” or one-sided conversation might look like:

one sided conversation

Is the conversation one-sided?

Read the questions below.  If the answer to two or more of these questions is YES, then they are probably not interested in the topic of conversation.

  • icon of quiet personAre they mostly quiet? Video

  • icon of person with voice bubbleAre you doing most or all of the talking?
  • icon of arrowAre they trying to change the subject?
  • icon of person looking away Are they looking away? Video
  • icon of clockDo they glance at their watch, clock, or cell phone?

  • Are they fidgeting?

When you are talking, pay attention to what the other person says and does.  This can let you know whether or not they are interested in what you are saying.

Instead of a one-sided conversation, you should try to have a back and forth conversation (a two-sided conversation).  Imagine a game of catch.  The ball goes back and forth between the two people playing catch. 

Your conversation should be like a game of catch.  Your comments and questions should go back and forth between you and your conversation partner.  First you talk, then your partner talks, then it’s your turn to talk again, then it’s your partner’s turn to talk, and so on. You take turns doing the talking. It’s like you’re throwing a ball back and forth, but instead you are talking back and forth. Click here for more information on this.Video

A back and forth conversation should look like this:

Two sided conversation

Is the conversation two-sided? 

Read the questions below.  If the answer to three or more of these questions is YES, they probably are interested in the topic of conversation.

  • icon of person asking questionAre they asking you questions?
  • icon of person with voice bubbleAre they commenting?

  • Are they sharing information about a similar topic?

  • icon of eye Are they looking at you?
  • icon of person smilingAre they smiling, nodding, or laughing?

When you are talking, pay attention to what the other person says and does.  This can let you know whether or not they are interested in what you are saying.


icon of person thinkingWhat’s the difference between a one-sided versus two-sided conversation? Watch the Videos and quiz yourself here. Video

Key Points
  • Small talk is a brief, social conversation between people.
  • A conversation should be two-sided. 
  • If you do all or most of the talking, then it becomes a one-sided “speech.”
  • A conversation is like a game of catch—it’s a back and forth between people.
  • Pay attention to what the other person says and does to determine if they are interested in what you are saying.

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