Bullies & Victims

First, let’s talk about bullies and harassers.  Bullies and harassers in the workplace can come in many forms.  In the work environment, bullies are not usually big, tough, and mean-looking people.  It might be hard to figure out that someone is a bully.

Bullies can be:

• Male or female                  
• A supervisor
• A co-worker
• A “friend” (someone who you think is a friend, but they are not really your friend)
• A customer
• A girlfriend or boyfriend (someone who you think cares about you, but they really don’t)

Why do they bully or harass? 

Even though there is absolutely no excuse for bullying, it is important to understand why some people bully.  When you understand why someone is bullying you, it can be easier to figure out how to respond to them.  There are a number of reasons why some people bully others in the workplace: 

• To gain power or control over someone else
• To gain certain advantages in the workplace
• To make them feel powerful
• To make them seem better than someone else
• To get attention from their co-workers and friends
• To feel better about their own abilities and position      

Bullies have their own weaknesses and insecurities.  They just don’t want people to see those differences, and so they try to make other people feel bad instead.

Remember, bullying it never okay and there is no excuse for bullying. Bullying is always wrong.

If you are a victim of bullying, it means that someone else is making you the repeated target of negative and unwanted actions.  When you are the victim of bullying or harassment, you usually feel like you have no power to stop these negative actions from happening to you.  Many different types of people can be the victims of workplace bullying and harassment. Victims of bullying can be:

• Male or female                  
• A supervisor
• A co-worker
• A “friend” of the bully (but if they are bullying you, they are not really your friend)
• A customer
• A girlfriend or boyfriend (but if they are bullying you, they do not really care about you)

Why am I the victim of bullying? 

There is absolutely no excuse for bullying, and it is never your fault when you are the victim of bullying.  However, it is important to try to understand why you might be the victim.  When you understand why you are the victim of bullying, it can help you figure out how to avoid or stop the bullying.  There are a number of reasons why some people are victims of workplace bullying or harassment.  In many cases, there is not just one reason why someone is the victim of bullying.

Here are some reasons why a bully might "target" you:

Reasons related to social skills:

• You might be an "easier target" if you don’t have any friends or allies at work.  An ally is someone who will "back you up" when you need help and support. 
• You might be perceived as a “know it all.”
• You might have a difficult time knowing what to say in certain social situations.
• You might have special interests or preoccupations that other people view as strange.
• You might show certain behaviors that are perceived as strange by others (e.g. repetitive behaviors).
• If you have trouble reading certain social cues, you might not be able to tell when someone is being sarcastic or genuine. 
• If you have trouble reading certain social cues, you might not be able to tell when someone is taking advantage of you. 

Reasons related to your work performance and position:

• You might complete work tasks differently from most people.
• You might struggle to stay focused at work.
• You might have a difficult time knowing what to do in certain work situations.
• You might have a difficult time organizing your work materials or work area.
• You might have a lower employment position in relation to the bully’s position (i.e. they are your supervisor, or they have a higher position than you).
• You might have a lower employment status in relation to the bully’s status (i.e. they have worked there longer, they are paid more money, their position is more valued than yours).

Reasons related to coping skills:

• You might have a harder time tolerating certain environmental demands.
• You might react to certain environmental demands (e.g., noises) in a different way from most people.
• You might show your frustration or stress in more obvious ways.
• You might have a more difficult time coping with stress and anxiety triggers.

If you think that you are being bullied, the first thing you need to do is talk to an adult who you trust.  Do not try to handle this situation alone!  This person should help you decide whether or not you are being bullied.  They can help you decide what to do next.

Additional reasons why you might be bullied:

• Your disability (this is harassment = illegal)
• Your physical appearance
• Your personal hygiene
• Your clothing
• Your perceived sexual orientation (this is harassment = illegal)
• Your ethnicity (this is harassment = illegal)
• Your gender (this is harassment = illegal)
• Your religion (this is harassment = illegal)
• Your political views
• Your socio-economic status

We all have differences, and that is okay.  No one has the right to bully you.  Remember, there is no excuse for bullying, and it is never your fault if you are the victim.  Bullying is always wrong.

• A workplace bully might be a co-worker, supervisor, customer, or “friend.”
• A victim might be a co-worker, supervisor, customer, or “friend.”
• There are many reasons why you might be the victim of bullying.  Some of these reasons relate to social skills, copingskills, work skills, or your position/status at work.  
• It is never your fault if you are the victim of bullying, and there is no excuse for bullying.